As life hurtles past me like bullet trains heading to an unmarked terminus, I simply lay myself down in Your presence.
Sometimes that is all I can muster. Sometimes all I can allow myself is to bathe in Your atmosphere and hear Your voice. Because, for so longg it felt like I was blindly shouting across barren hills, and for so long I felt crippled by others who love You; crippled by those within Your church. For so long I traded You in for a concept than a reality. For so long You were merely a distant relative; a former acquaintance etched into former days but absent from the present.
And though questions pervade my head like an unyielding whirlwind, I humbly stand before You, and look towards You. You are so much bigger and brighter than my bleeding heart and racing mind. You have equipped me with a lion-heart which is so densely controversial, and I kneel before You and have hope that it is for a reason: that You will use it for Your good. I submit: a submission not of cowardice and weakness but of knowing that at the end of the day You are beautiful, and You are constant and You are bigger than any tears or laughter or head-scratching.
Though the path before me seems so overgrown with doubt and difficult questions and a constant uphill battle, I trust that there is fighting for a reason. I trust that there is a method in this madness. Although there will be times that I will not be able to lay here with You like I am now, I know that You will still be somewhere out there, somewhere close, even when I call in the bleakness and the valley. Even when all goes silent and my heart is fatigued and my mind crippled: You will still be there.
So as I rest in viscosity of true joy, You remind me that it all worth it. You remind me that the difficult parts are the best bits and the easiest things in life are a bland taste in the face of Your glory. You always give just enough to cope with. Though some may be given more torment and discomfort and trial than others, I thank You for the challenge. I thank You that You allow me to keep going.
I thank You that You are so constant and firm and that I can always come back here and know that it is worth it; that You, beyond every possible measure, are worth it.
(image sourced via flickr)