“Will I fall in love again?”
My most popular post on this blog is about falling in love for the second time. (http://goo.gl/KMBYiq), And it always surprises me, because from the bottom of my heart, I want to urge you can and will love again.
You can fall in love for the second time. You can fall in love for the third and fifth and tenth time. Your heart does not have the capacity to just love one person. You can still love openly and widely and wildly, even after your heart has been broken before. There is no such thing as one great love in life. Some loves may be more significant than others; some loves may leave their marks and memories and their favourite sweatshirt, but each person is not assigned one individual love. There is no “one”. Instead, life is filled with many possible “ones”, and it’s just a matter of meeting them at the right place and time. You will find yourself falling in love with other people’s smiles and the way their eyes glimmer when the sunshine hits their face and the way their voice crackles when they’re nervous. But many of them just aren’t meant to be, purely because of the matter of timing. But it’s important to remember that there is not a fixed number or a biological clock ticking to find the right person: one day it will just happen.
It will happen when you least expect it. You’ll find them in the dairy aisle, or in the cinema snack queue, or when working in the library at 1am. They will sneak up on you when you least expect it and shine with some sort of knowing smile. They will make you you laugh, and they will make you feel special, and they will make you feel hope. They will be able to make you forget for a second that your heart has once been broken.
Of course, it will never be quite like the first time, or maybe even the time after that. It will always be more cautious; more dubious; more fearful of it breaking down. But you still can. And it can and will be just as wonderful, if not far better than the previous. It can be more intimate, and more loving and far more concious of people’s feelings. It will be harder, and it will take time for the walls to fall down, but when they do, I promise that it will be more than worth it.
And they will love you. They will hold you when your world breaks down and it feel like there is not coming back. They will kiss you in the middle of sentences. They will dance with you in the kitchen. They will show you cat videos until you cry with laughter. They will make you feel like you could never look back.
A part of you will probably always love your first love. And that’s fine. It’s more than fine. Your first love is defining and wonderful and they show you that your heart is able to store all of that flaming intensity. They show you just how vivid and colourful and wild the world is, and equally show the true depths of heartbreak. They show you the feeling of being infinite and cold brutality of being alone. But most of all, they will show you that you can get back up. And you will always be thankful for that.
The post I mentioned at the start of this was dedicated to the one who I’m still madly in love with today. I loved again. The future is a wild creature that can’t be predicted: I may even love again. But it happened. I was so uncertain and hurt and scared but I still fell in love, and I haven’t been happier.
Because you will love again. It may be just once more, or it may be a hundred times over, but the crucial part is that you can and will fall in love again.