One of the hardest lessons in life is that you can’t stop people from leaving, and watching them slip away is even harder.
You watch people fall through your fingers like sand and realise there is no way to keep them there in your hands; that there is no way of grasping on and keeping them. Even through clenched fists and desperate clutches, all you can feel is the steady stream of their passing away from you. The fog soon rolls in and before you know it, with a faint thump, they are gone.
And you have to be fine with that. You have to be fine to let them go and watch them fade into the background. You have to be fine with keeping memories rather than creating new ones. You have to be fine with the missing gap. You have to be fine readjusting to a life that doesn’t feature their presence. And most of all, you have to be fine as they grow far away from you.
Because I had to watch you leave and be happy, although you were the one person whom I couldn’t bear to lose. I had to slowly let you fall out of my hands and appear happy because you were doing it for me. I had to say goodbye for the last time when I thought that it was only the beginning. I had to stop breathing your smile and stop tasting your laugh and trade it all in for nothingness, not because it would save you, but because you thought that it would save me.
And I now have to slip through your fingers because I can’t stay where you want me to, no matter how wonderful you are to me. You can no longer be the thought which brightens up my morning. I can no longer allow you to be the first person I call when I’m alone, or the first person I need when everything starts to get grey. Your home can no longer be my haven in the midst of all the chaos. No matter how many times you tell me that you want to be there for me and care for me, I just can’t let it happen.
I can’t keep holding onto sand.
We’re both free falling, Far away from each other.