Seeing you cry today broke my heart, not only because it was the first time that it had ever happened, but because I knew that I can never understand just how badly it hurts; just how badly it always will.
But darling, please never think you are weak for crying when it gets tough. Please don’t think that you’re letting your mother down for not staying strong. Please don’t feel like you can’t talk about her in fear of breaking down all over again. Because, honey, that’s what we’re here for. We love you more than anything.
We know that she would be so proud of you. We know that you are the kindest, happiest and most beautiful young woman who has ever walked the earth. She knew that too. We know that though she may not be able to hold your hand every step of the way, she is there with you every moment. And she is smiling down at you, so proud to know that you are her daughter. At the breaking of every dawn, she is watching, and at the setting of the sun, she is still there.
She loves you, and always will.
Though the pain may never fully go away, I know that you will one day have the strength to read all of her letters; the strength to visit her and lay down those flowers; the strength to finally talk about her to your grandparents. You are not weak for having wounds that are still open after five years. I promise you that there has never been any more reason to cry than now.
I find it is always the people who have had their heart broken countless times are the people whose heart is the purest. Because I have never met anyone as selfless as you. You could be cold, or hateful or introvert, but instead of inflicting your pain on anyone else, you try to wipe away every tear.
Words do not describe the strength you have.
Just remember that I love you, we love you, and most of all, she loves you.
And she has had a wonderful birthday, from wherever she is.