Broken strings & Pretty things

The world, seen through a young girl's eyes.

Archive for the month “October, 2012”

Distance.

I reached out my hand towards you and

nothing.

Nothing there. No warmth. No personality. No feeling. No requite. No intensity.
Where has it all gone? Where have you gone? Everything that once sung has now become silent. Everything that was once so vibrant has become dull in front of my very eyes. The fog has rolled between us, with the divisions between us drifting further in the flow of uncertainty and stubbornness. Just like the introduction of autumn, the cold has settled in the cracks of our framework, tearing apart everything that was once so fresh and alive.
The worst part is not even knowing your perspective on the matter. To you, this silence hasn’t even been registered, or worse: totally welcomed.
Where are you now?

Thank you.

I want to thank every single person who has left their own imprint on my life. I want to thank my family, my lovers, my brothers and friends. The people who tip toe round the edge of my days and those who delve into the deep caverns of my heart. Those who make me laugh, who hold my hand and never stray from my mind; those who tear me apart, push me down and wound me. I want to thank each and every one of you. I really do.
The lady who smiled at me from across the street, the girl who taught me to remain strong, the boy who made me cry daily, the one who enchants me dearly. Each and every one of you, even you who are reading, have somehow changed my life for the better. You’ve given me strength; you’ve given me peace, and love, and purpose. You’ve all helped shape me into something exuberant: something wholesome and new. You let me become me.

So whether you sing for my success, or yearn for my failures, I thank you. I thank you for giving me the passion and drive and thrill to swim upstream in a world gives you every reason to say no. I thank you for decorating my life with your little finger prints, and for dancing all over my heart.
Thank you.

The end point.

It’s hard reaching that point when you think you can’t go any further: the point at which every step taken is two steps backwards, and every effort undertaken is all in vain. The process is ongoing: a downward spiral of despair and disappointment in your own actions as you constantly fall short of your own expectations. Questions defying your own competence start to circulate the mind, and slowly grasp you in a choke hold until you just want to let go.
Let go of everything.

When fighting the battle is just too tiring; when striving far gets you no distance; when perspiration brings no perseverance, how can you go on?

To an athlete, this is the most crucial and fundamental point in their training: when their whole body says no, but all their might screams yes. This when they are fully able to grow and become better than ever before. The body becomes fatigued, the muscles want to break down and the spirit is crushed. Yet they persevere. And they become truly wonderful.
They become able to run further than they ever thought they could, they can strive harder; get there faster. Their own pain and sweat and tears become their biggest fortune. All they need to remember is the bigger picture.

As I stand here, in the midst of a crumbling world, I just need to remember this bigger picture. Sure, this may seem like the end point, but this is just the beginning. Life is moving on, and I’m not going to be left behind. Soon this stress and fear and misfortune will all become tremendously wonderful. I’ll look back, and think of this trouble as a blessing.
I just need to keep pushing.

Wild ambitions.

Life doesn’t rhyme. Your first kiss isn’t as important as your last. Get caught in the rain. Laugh out loud while you’re alone. Go on adventures and get lost. Paint even though you’re not an artist. Really get to know people. Accept you will fail one maths test. Get your heart broken and put the pieces back together. Put your hand up in class only to get the answer wrong. Wonder about things. Learn. Remember that sunrises are free. Let the little things that would ordinarily bore you suddenly thrill you. Work bad hair days. Go for road trips to an unknown destination. Feel confident in your own skin. Become so filled with emotion you cry until the tears run dry. Call your friends until 4am and tell them just how much they mean to you. Try out for the team. Have wildly crazy and daring feelings, even though you know you are quite possibly going to get hurt. Believe that everything happens for a reason. Look at the stars and realise just how small you are. Go to the beach and watch the world go by. Speak a foreign language. Write. Travel the world and look just how different your perception is when you come back. Eat that red velvet cupcake. Never regret anything, at one time it was exactly what you wanted. Forgive and forget. Don’t hold anything back. Forget the criticism, and grasp the opportunity. Live for your family, your lovers, your sisters and brothers and friends. Why? Because nobody lives forever, and life is really, really, short.

 

Two important lessons in life.

Don’t make decisions when
you’re angry, and don’t make
promises when you’re happy.

Lament for the broken man.

He lies there, floundering over cluttered tables, hurling abuse as if it was extra change. He grovels and he jokes; he curses and he cries. He gets up, tries to steady himself, and sways as the waves of his own drunkenness crash over his limp body. Another pained look shoots my way, and once again I frame his tear stricken iris. I see pain pulverize him as I turn away, and slowly hatred fills every membrane of his being.
He shouts, he cries, he scorns. He threatens and then he crumbles.

He wakes up, he regrets and he pleads.
But that night was enough for me to see who you really are. Enough to see you haven’t changed.
Enough for me to confirm: never again.

Post Navigation