Broken strings & Pretty things

The world, seen through a young girl's eyes.

Archive for the month “August, 2012”

Irresistible calamity.

You came as quickly you left; so quietly, yet so destructively. Much like a whirlwind, you wrenched my heart-strings from where they once rested, and left before anyone had time to behold what had happened. Suddenly, life was left back to how it used to be: no sign of you, no recollection, except for a small indent in the patchwork and pattern of my mundane daily life.

It’s odd how someone can shake the very foundations of your life at one moment, and then vanquish from existence at the next. One man can cause so much travesty and confusion and false hope before he is never seen again.
Alas, I know this will happen again; history never fails at repeating itself when this masked man is involved. He will, at some unknown time and place, rear his beautiful head and once again raise havoc, shattering the walls I had spent so long building.

The worst part about it? I love every second of it.

Awaiting results.

When did breathing ever become so tiresome? At what point did each suckle of air start to choke my lungs? Why can’t I think straight?

I tried. Tried my hardest. What if it wasn’t good enough? I know I’m good enough…or I thought I was.

Black printed letters strung across a white canvas lie in an envelope in some unknown place, framing my future, jovial in my uncertainty of it all.
I hate to admit it, I really do, but I’m afraid. Very afraid. Not because this alters my life, but because I’m scared to disappoint myself; scared to see that I didn’t achieve what I have been pushing towards. I want this. I need to have gained my pursuit.

Lord,
I know you tell me to trust in you, for You know my path, and it’s your plan I wish to follow, but I’m still so scared. You tell me not to worry, but all I can do is pace. Please, let me have faith in You. Let me know that, whatever happens tomorrow, it’s all down to You, and it’s all going to be for the best. Tonight I cast my fears upon You.
Please just let it be okay.
Please.

If you need it, seize it.

If you need inspiration, go for a walk.
If you need to get away, go for a run.
If you need to express, write.
If you need freedom, paint.
If you need a new perspective, ask.
If you need consolidation, share.
If you need hope, pray.
If you need to discover, read.
If you need to believe, dream.

Sheer hopelessness.

If I told you that there were no feelings involved, I’d be lying.
If I told you that I still saw you that way, I’d still be a liar.

I honestly just don’t know what to think anymore.

My life summed up in a picture.

A journey which hasn’t yet been made; a path which has not yet been determined. Pages upon pages with nothing tainted, nothing ruined and nothing holding me back. No, I’m free to make my own destination, and I have the freedom to go where I wish to. I’m given instructions and guidance, yet it is up to me to get there. It’s up to me how to make the world my own.
My life is my own little book of blank maps, a mark of the progression of my own life. Each step I take, each movement closer to the end, is a new etch on the paper. There is no limitations to where I can go, or who I can be. Instead, it’s an intrepid exploration and discovery to see the world in all it’s glory, and shows the great adventure of life itself.

My book of blank maps tells me I can dream and dare to be the very best, even when I haven’t yet started my journey.
And I’m confident yours does too, no matter how far along your journey you are.

Burning thoughts.

It’s the ultimatum of a goodbye which shakes my core: the finality of dropping these sunk in feelings and having to completely disregard them; having to move on when feelings are requited, yet unable to act upon.
I miss seeing you as my life jacket: the safety and security from the wallowing depths of pain.
I miss the way we used to be. Before everything.

Can we go back? Can you come back?

If I were God I wouldn’t let the children die.

Not me, I’d use my power
Wouldn’t you?
You’d never find me sitting round in heaven
Twiddling my eternal thumbs
As some poor baby fades to nothing
Wailing for a love that never comes
I’d get my act together, heal some pain
Hurl some thunder
Send some rain
Clothe some orphans
Dig some wells
Throw some parties
Ring some bells
Feed some kids
Win some fights
Build some homes
Fly some kites
That’s what I would do
I’d look for helpers who would be my hands and feet
They’d show my face in every slum and street
They’d broadcast love and let compassion fly
That’s what I would do if I were God
I wouldn’t let the children die

Would you?

-Adrian Plass

May God bless you.

May God bless you with the discomfort at easy answers,
half-truths and superficial relationships,
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice,
oppression, and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer
from pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them,
and to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
to believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

-Franciscan Benediction

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