Broken strings & Pretty things

The world, seen through a young girl's eyes.

Archive for the month “May, 2012”

‘Fight or flight.’

They say you lose when you give up, but there comes a point when holding on is what makes you the loser.
There’s a time to keep fighting, and there’s a time to realise it’s right to let go.

The last words my past love told me when he ended things continue to resonate in the membranes of my brain.
“You know what Alys? You really need to learn how to let go.”

And I’ve learned; let go I shall. This is really the end.
Goodbye J.

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Drafts.

Looking at the unending lists of untitled and partially typed drafts strung across the contents of this blog, I can’t help face the irony of how it resembles my mind entirely. A constant swirl of ideas, half constructed, swarming and delving into my consciousness where they can never escape. Each thought has no structure or sense; all it is an incomprehensible medley which my brain is unable to conjugate into something plausible.

The chaos is unending; as soon as there seems to be some breakthrough, when the key fits into the lock, the whirlwind only beats faster and causes my confusion to new heights. All that is left behind is the empty outlines of failed attempts and plans, from which I attempted to muster the situation.

When will I be able to escape this labyrinth? When will everything be clear again? When will this draft be able to form something whole?

Inspiration from a stranger.

In these past few days I’ve been battling with the struggle on whether to give up or keep chasing this complicated love story I share with my close friend. Slowly, I’ve been losing faith, and decided I couldn’t bear another heart ache. I thought I’d much rather be alone than lose him.

But, upon reading a message from a woman whom I’ll never know her identity, and whom I’ll never meet again, my attitude has changed.
All she said simply was:

“If you love someone just fight for it”

Just fight for it. Just fight for us.
I may be scared of losing him, but if I don’t attempt to fight for it I may lose the chance of having something so much more precious than our friendship. I constantly tell myself I need to step out, so why should this change when approaching relationships?
Once again, I’m going to put my heart on the line. I’m going to risk it. Maybe I’m going to end up crying to myself, pouring my melancholy into the black and white lettering of this blog, whilst screaming to God why I must endure further hurt. Or maybe I’ll finally receive the boy who I gave up on last year.

I won’t give up on us J. Not now. Not yet.

On making yourself happy, rather than everyone else.

This past few months has taught me one of the most valuable lessons is life: no matter how hard you try, someone in the world is going to dislike you. Yet, it is quite possibly one of the most refreshing things I have come across.

Gone are the days of trying to please everyone: acting perfectly, looking perfectly, speaking perfectly and never acting out of turn in the attempt in to not offend anyone. I became so scared to open myself to certain people in fear of rejection, I carved myself into the plastic conformity society intends us to be moulded into. However, no matter how hard you pretend, or how perfect you seem to be, some people just aren’t going to like you. And that’s a fact.

Recently, a girl whom I have never really gotten to know seems to have taken it on herself to help hurt me alongside my ex boyfriend. Strangely, I myself have never shown her any unkindness, yet she feels responsible to give be harm. Why? Because she just doesn’t like me, for her own personal reasons.
But that’s okay. We’re different.
All this has taught me that no matter what I do, no matter how I feel, I can never get everyone to like me. My own beliefs and ideals will offend other people’s’ way of life, and there’s no changing that. Should this cause me to change who I am? Of course not. In fact, quite the contrary. I’ve learned to fully express myself and make myself happy, rather than hide and attempt to please everyone else instead.
Life is too short to be a fraud. I was made to smile at the smallest detail, and laugh at the stupidest joke. Life is here for me to make choices for myself, rather than what is least likely to rub someone the wrong way.

After all, even if I were the most perfect woman in the world, someone would still be able to find a flaw in me.

The first rays of sunshine.

You know that feeling you get when the sun shines for the first time after a storm? That feeling which causes you to question whether the rain is just going to start pouring again. But then, as you stand there gazing into the light, you remember just how beautiful that sunshine is, and realise that storm caused you to forget the brightness of the world.
Well that’s exactly how life has been for me this past few week.

Things are finally looking up. The first rays of sunshine are finally breaking through those thick grey clouds of my life, and I can finally see the light again. I can see the beauty and wonder of life again, and my heart has become an unending fountain of praise.
My life is incandescent with the beauty and hope shining from above, and I’m so grateful to be free from that crippling storm.

I’m back. I’m finally back.

Twenty reasons to keep believing.

  1. You are loved. So loved.
  2. You are not alone.
  3. Today, someone has thought about you, cared about you, and smiled about you.
  4. Your life has so many opportunities right in front of you right now, even if they seem out of reach.
  5. You were strong enough to get where you are now, so you’re strong enough to endure this further.
  6. You are so amazing.
  7. Even when it doesn’t seem so, life is so tragically beautiful.
  8. A surprise is just around the corner. I promise.
  9. This is meant to happen, and you’re going to feel so blessed when you find out why.
  10. Your life is so much more significant than you perceive it to be.
  11. Has anyone told you how lovely you really are?
  12. You make such strong impacts on other people’s lives.
  13. The future has the most amazing outcome for you.
  14. You were not a mistake.
  15. Your smile can make someone else’s day.
  16. Whether you believe or not, God is smiling down on you even as you read this.
  17. Each tear shed is one step closer to your happiness.
  18. Any mistake made is just a reason to change for the better.
  19. You are so unique from anybody else: the world would be at a loss without you.
  20. This isn’t the end: this is just the beginning to something so wonderfully beyond your imagination.

Just Remember: Beautiful pictures develop from the negatives in a dark room. So if you see darkness in your life, just be reassured that a beautiful picture  is being prepared.

Writing opens my heart.

It’s through my writing where I truly find myself. I find my voice, I find my soul and I find my passion.

Through my insignificant words and phrases, I am able to sit back on life and see where I’m going. I can see the mistakes I’ve made, and I can see all that I’ve been blessed with.
Through the broken parts of my life when I cry for love, I’m able to find solace in my clumsy typing. I’m able to speak to myself, and tell myself that everything is okay. That I am loved; that I am worth it and that I’ll be able to get through this. Writing helps heal my broken soul.

And during all those wonderful moments of my life, my writing echos my effervescent praise for all that is good in my life. It makes me able to humble myself, and become overwhelmed with gratitude for the beautiful things and people who make my life what it is.
Writing is able to make me say the things I wish I could have said in that moment, and it also makes me realise I’m so glad I didn’t repeat those phrases.

Writing is my life: my love affair with all that is creative.
It’s what I breathe, what I dream and I all I think about.

Though I never seem to stop saying this, thank you for taking your time to read through my random little posts, giving you an insight to my humble little life.
You beautiful and truly lovely people make my day.

Be who you want to be.

This is your life. Are you who you want to be?

Can you look at yourself and know that you’re the person who you aim to be? Or do you merely see a stranger in the reflection?
Can you say you make all the decisions in your life? Or do you let someone decide for you?
Are you living your life? Or are you drifting through it all?
Are you doing what you want? Or are you changing your life depending on what others think and want for you?

Life is too short to pretend to be someone you’re not. It’s too short to live by comparison to others. It’s time to step out and actually live the life you’ve dreamed of, instead of the life others have planned for you. It’s time to be that beautiful and lovely person you really are, the person who has always been inside, yet has been too timid to venture into the real world.

So I pray that when you next see yourself, you will see greatness. You will see the perfectly formed and unique individual you are, who was destined to follow your dreams. And if you don’t see that person, I pray that you will have the courage to change. The courage to stand up to the world and tell them who you really are, and who you want to be. There are so many tomorrows, and every one of them is a new day to change.
Don’t leave it too late.
Be who you want to be.

 

The perfect kind of love.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Today, I realised this is the love I desire.
The love that is unconditional: it never stops giving, and it never fails. It’s the kind of love that accepts you for who you are, and accepts the mistakes you may make and will never hold them against you. It still finds you beautiful in sweat pants and no makeup. It doesn’t care whether you wear sneakers or Milanos. It only wants best for you, with no other intentions. It will always be there to help someone grow, yet will never hold them back.

It’s love in the purest form, and it’s everything I crave.
That’s why, no matter which relationship: family, friends, romantic, I will pour God’s love into it. I’ll try to be the most loving, trusting and honest young women I can possibly be.
For God, for myself, and for others.

You know what’s crazy?

It’s been two months since you ended it. I’ve moved on, I’m happy, yet you’ve decided to still somehow find the need to try to break me down again.
You’ve stooped to the lowest levels, and darling, it hasn’t done anything but make people realise the kind of person you truly are.
They see the boy who get’s kicks out of seeing a girl who he supposedly loved cry.

But you know what’s crazy?
I’m praying for you. I honestly am.
I’m praying that, one day, you’ll look at yourself and realise who you’ve become. I’m praying that sometime, long from now, you’ll realise just what you have done. I pray you’ll see this through my eyes and regret everything.
More so, I pray God will bring you humility. I pray he will bring you grace and peace and love and heal whatever is broken in you.
I pray one day, I may be able to speak to you, and forget the past, and that you may do the same too.

I hope God blesses you one day: only He understands why you’re doing this.

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